she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
