We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
