i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
