Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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