And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
