thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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