The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Mom said you looked used
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
