I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
