i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
