One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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