OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
