Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just google imaged poop.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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