ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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