just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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