I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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