Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
well you can't waste a boner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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