I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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