My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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