Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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