Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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