Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
