The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
