you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
