I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
