there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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