How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
