I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
