tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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