the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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