Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
