i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
