Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize