girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
