Umm I'm too high to move.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
