do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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