you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
