we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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