You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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