I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
