i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
