his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
