too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
