Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
