When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
