ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
