Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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