I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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