Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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