I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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