Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize