Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
