so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
