I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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