Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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