remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
