I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I could fuck to npr.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
