so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
