I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
