Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
