Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
