Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize