is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
