I can text with my tongue
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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