paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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