i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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