she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's always time for handjobs
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
