You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
