did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
