I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize