I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
