I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
