I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize