Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
