You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
