Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
