My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
