I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
