I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
