sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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