What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
