either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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