Jerry, you need to find god
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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