Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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