Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
