I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
