Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
