Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
