I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
