HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
