is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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