***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
