Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
