She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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