3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
