we have pet lesbian snakes
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
