That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
