After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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