Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
