your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hippo gnu deer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
