well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
